What Is Wrong With You (Life As We Speak)
This expression is one of a kind. You may use it both when you are actually concerned with the other’s state of mind and mood or when you are not so pleased with the other’s actions or words towards you or other people or animals nearby.
The question is of course asking for a reply based upon ‘wrongness’ and that would be an answer that most of the time will not be answered at all. The person gets the message that you are not so satisfied with his or her actions and will become even less open for receiving a constructive input or suggestions for improvements.
You simply support pushing them deeper into their hole of silence and hiding, and perhaps no reply or lead will become available to you. Your objective is to support the other in making better choices and to open up to you.
If you intend to achieve those objectives, it is better that you ask other questions that will create better opportunities and better odds for you to achieve your vision in such a situation.
Statements such as ‘How can I support you, dear?’, ‘Allow me to support you.’, or ‘Whatever it is, we can find the solution for it.’ will support the person that you feel for to calm down and feel supported, and sooner or later to open up to you and allow you in.
You become a much better support to a person who allows himself or herself to open up to you and who is in a calmer state of mind. Utilise that especially with kids, for they need to know that, no matter what, they will be loved, heard and supported.
Once you address a person who has done something not so good in your eyes, you should better be in a calm state and ask such kind of questions as: ‘You had better be very careful now, please.’, ‘Could you please be more polite towards this person/animal/plant?’. The tone of your voice should best be as calm as possible and as accepting as possible.
The other person may not necessarily become less well behaved; however, may very likely be surprised by your reaction so that his or her actions receive no support to continue in that same manner. He or she is not interested in the continuity of the current activity and becomes what you would like him or her to become: aware of their sudden actions.
The word ‘wrong’ in itself is better eliminated from all our phrases and replaced with ‘Not good’, ‘Not well’ and ‘Not the finest’.
Whenever we replace the word ‘wrong’ with the proposed phrases, we create a tendency to use more positive phrases and our mind will dwell upon the essence of those constructive words. This new focus creates emotions, thought patterns and beliefs that are derived from the seed words ‘Well’, ‘Fine’ and ‘Good’.
GUIDE THE OTHER TO ALLOW YOU IN, SO YOUR WORDS ARE HEARD AND FOLLOWED.
From: Life As We Speak by Danny Oceans